I Fell In Love With My Rescuer

You’ve all heard the story. A girl endures a tragic situation to which a handsome young rescue worker responds and is the one to save her life. Not too long after the incident, they fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

Sounds familiar, huh?

Well today, I’m here to tell you my personal story where I endured a tragic situation and fell in love with my rescuer to live happily ever after– I have no doubt.

If you’ve followed along on my personal social media account for any length of time, you’re probably aware of some of the hardships I have faced. For those of you who don’t, I have been a chronic illness warrior for 8 years and just recently went through a divorce.

You might also know that I have since met an amazing man of God who loves Jesus more than he loves me (which was a prerequisite when I started dating again), and is one of the kindest and most selfless people I have ever met. He’s truly an answer to prayer!

However, you might be surprised to find out that this is not going to be an account of how he and I met. This is a far more precious and significant account of falling in love with the One who rescued me and faithfully walks with me everyday.

You see. When I first started down the chronic illness road or the divorce proceedings, I felt like I was drowning. Everything I thought would be was ripped away in a moment.

I was broken and lonely in both instances. I needed to be rescued from bitterness, anger and hurt. I needed rescue from depression (yes I said the “d” word!). I needed rescue from myself and my own decisions. I plain and simple needed to be rescued– and when I was, I fell in love with Who He is and Who He created me to be in the process.

He is faithful, loving, caring, good, my Father and my best friend. I am His daughter created in wisdom and knowledge beyond human comprehension. I am a chronic illness warrior and a divorced woman worthy to be loved and cherished not only by him, but also by the man He has chosen for me.

I fell in love with Him first. The way He rescued me and promised to redeem my view of love and marriage satisfied a longing in my soul like no other man will ever satisfy.

I fell in love with my Rescuer and it’s been the best thing that has ever happened to me!

How To Recover From Divorce

It’s now been over a year since my husband and I separated; and in this year, I have shared such sweet fellowship and friendship with my Heavenly Father.

Early on, I bought myself a new Bible– a blank canvas ready to record the words God Himself would speak to me.

I wanted to be able to read through in years to come and remember all God taught me. I want to be able to counsel women and young girls from the very Bible He taught me from.

So I journal, underline, circle and arrow like nobody’s business!

I started in Matthew and finished the entire New Testament. From there I headed over to the Psalms, then dove into the full Old Testament. (yep, Numbers and all!)

I’m currently reading in 1 Samuel and the first few chapters came alive to me in a way that they never have before.

Hannah is my hero, you guys. And she may just become yours too after we’re finished here!

As I read the 1st chapter I began to relate her situation to mine. For me they look different in a lot of ways, but there’s also a lot of similarities.

Maybe as you read about Hannah pouring her heart out before God in desperate desire for a child, you relate on a specific level. Or, maybe your situation is slightly different like mine.

Whatever the case, I’m sure there’s something God desires for us all to learn.

In the beginning of chapter 1, we see her dilemma. She can’t have kids, but her “sister wife” could. (Yes. Her husband did in fact have two wives, but that was common tradition in this time period so we’ll go with it.)

Verses 4 & 5 say,

“Whenever Elkanah offered a sacrifice, he always gave portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to each of her sons and daughters. But he gave a double portion to Hannah, for he loved her even though the Lord had kept her from conceiving.”

How beautiful a picture. In God’s infinite wisdom, He saw it best to keep Hannah from conceiving a child.

What? A beautiful picture? How is that beautiful? It goes on to say she was taunted because of it. Wouldn’t it have been better if she just had kids right away?

Well, because she didn’t, she paints a beautiful picture of how to respond in the face of adversity. A picture I want to show you today!

In the midst of her trial, God was still taking care of her. She had a husband who loved her in spite of her “shortcomings”.

You may have an Elkanah in your life or you might not. Either way, you can rest assured that you are loved by a Heavenly Father Who gives a double portion in spite of your “shortcomings”!

The next thing I saw was how she took her burdens to the Lord. She was so raw and emotional as she worshipped and poured her heart out to the Father, that the priest thought she was drunk!

When was the last time you were that passionate before God? When was the last time I was?

Humbling thought. Often our first response is to call a friend or vent to a co-worker or a spouse. Why don’t we talk to the creator of the universe first instead?

Do you have a broken heart? Tell your Father. He cares, I promise.

So as she pours her heart out to God, she makes a vow to him. She promised that if He gives her a son, she would give him back to God.

We’ve all made desperate pleas to our parents, bosses and teachers– what about God? Are we committed to keeping our end of the deal?

So after she explains herself and says she hasn’t been drinking, she just has a broken heart, verse 18 says,

“’May your servant find favor with you,’ she replied. Then Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer looked despondent.”

I think this has become my favorite verse in the entire Bible. She is broken. She didn’t hear from God. He didn’t promise He would give her a son in that moment. But still– she went on her way, she ate and she no longer looked despondent.

Wow!!

She not only talks to God before her friends or small group (they had small group, right?), but she talks to God before she eats.

Her priorities are aligned with God’s heart. She’s more satisfied with His presence rather than her physical desires for food.

THEN, after she gets a good meal, she no longer looks despondent! She moves forward. Without wallowing in self-pity or bitterness, she trusts God enough with her situation to have her moment then move on.

Like Paul says in Philippians 3,

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.”

I have a goal. And moving forward is a part of it.

So in this story God does answer her plea and gives her a son. She names him Samuel and when he’s old enough, she takes him to the temple and gives him back to God where he learns under the same priest that watched his mom beg for him.

She followed through and her son became the Judge that, by the leading of God Himself, chose David to be King of Israel. It was King David’s line and lineage that our Savior Jesus Christ would be born into.

It comes full circle! I don’t know what my full circle looks like. I don’t know what yours will look like either. But we can trust the Lord to love us enough to hold things back or even take things away.

Yes. Stuff happens in life, but we can recover. I can recover. You can recover.

3 Habits of A Truly Satisfied Person

Perhaps you can relate, but in this season of life, I’ve been settling into a new routine praying for the secret to being truly satisfied to be revealed.

In my time with Jesus, He has clearly laid three habits on my heart that, if followed daily, leads to truesatisfaction regardless of your current circumstances.

Habit 1. TALK TO JESUS

Daily. Every Day. No exceptions. No excuses. I’ll be honest, in years past, this has been a struggle to faithfully commit to digging into Scripture and talking to Jesus daily.

In my life, there had to be a serious change in rhythm, so I determined not to eat any physical food until I have first had my spiritual food.

Game changer.

I’ve not arrived in my walk with Jesus; but one thing is certain, I do not let a morning slip by without being in the Word and writing my prayers to Jesus.

I mean, let’s be real. He did so much for me on the cross that this “sacrifice” pales in comparison.

So the appointment stands. I allow quiet time to listen to what He has to say to me and He guides me in all areas of life.

He talks, I talk. It’s a beautiful time that I now crave as soon as I wake up.

Here’s the great part—you can too!

Habit 2. WORSHIP JESUS:

Here’s the thing, worship isn’t just a collection of catchy songs that we sing on Sunday mornings.

Worship is a lifestyle. A posture of bowing before the Almighty King Who is, also, your Heavenly Father!

Worshiping Jesus throughout your day is really quite simple.

It looks like this—being fully aligned with His heart allowing Him to be your thermostat for right and wrong and for determining good vs best.

Yes, I listen to worship music 90% of the time and you may too; but that’s not enough. Going to church isn’t even enough.

Worshipping Jesus by recognizing His power and love will wreck your life in the best way possible!

Habit 3. BE THE HANDS AND FEET OF JESUS:

If I have learned anything in my seven years of sickness and 1 year of divorce, my eyes have been opened to the power of praying for and attending to the needs of others.

When we shift the focus from ourselves and seek out others who need the love of Jesus or just the kindness of a stranger or friend, we are the extension of Jesus on earth.

How beautiful a picture. His hands that were nailed to the cross for you and me are physically reaching other people today.

Why? Simply because we choose to extend a small portion of the grace already given to us to others!

So it’s simple, really. Talk to Jesus, Worship Jesus and Be the Hands and Feet of Jesus.

Why I Don’t Want To Be A Proverbs 31 Woman- And Why You Shouldn’t Either

You’ve heard it before. You know who “she” is. And you might even know verses 29 and 30 like the back of your hand.

vs. 29 Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.

vs. 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Perhaps you even roll your eyes or check out a little bit when the topic for women’s night at church is about “her” again. Or, maybe you’re like me and for your whole life the Proverbs 31 Woman was who you looked up to and used as your standard of excellence.

I mean, if I could just look like her in the way I care for my family, the way I work, the way I cook and value the resources the Lord gave me– I would be doing something right.

Right?

Well, the past 10 months have provided ample opportunity for me to be thinking and praying constantly about what kind of woman God has called me to be.

Hear me. I’m not saying that it’s not a good thing to be a Proverbs 31 Woman– because it is. But Jesus called me to be more than just good. He has called me to be great.

I would be lying and doing you a disservice if I for one second led you to believe that I have it figured out– because I don’t. I’m learning something new about God each and every day, and He has been pouring into me a fresh perspective.

If we want to move from good to great in our relationships with Christ, change the status quo and be truly excellent, we have to be Jesus women. Bible women. Women who wake up and begin her day with her creator and Father.

Women who have the faith of Mary, the courage of Ruth, the servant heart of Martha, the boldness of Paul and the prayer life of Daniel.

Women who aren’t afraid to stand out from the majority like Caleb and Joshua. Women who defeat giants in Jesus’ name like David.

Women who stand up for what we believe in like Esther and who God can use to build His ministry upon like Peter.

Women like Jesus who pray “not my will, Father, but yours be done.”

Whole Bible women not just Proverbs 31 women.

It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just not enough.

I Still Love My Ex-Husband

Yes, I still love my ex-husband.

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Oh please, dear friend, hear my heart. These words are not written flippantly; so, hang tight for a moment and please let the Holy Spirit’s words that flow through my fingers as I type resonate in your heart as you read.

Divorce is messy and leaves scars on both parties involved; yet, as I’ve ventured through this season hand-in-hand with my Heavenly Father, I have come to realize how truly vast and extraordinary His love is for me in-spite of my many shortcomings as His daughter.

Recently, in my morning strategy meetings with Jesus, He and I have been reading through the book of Psalms. As He reveals His truth to me, I am astounded by the amount of times that David called on God’s faithful love.

As I follow his journey through each chapter, I realize that on many occasions I could identify with the struggles and emotions David was experiencing.

Except for one area. David seemed to really want his enemies to be destroyed! He was hurt, I get it; but it was as though the Holy Spirit gently pointed out that my sins and shortcomings are no better than anyone else I could compare myself to, and yet Jesus loves me so faithfully. And if I can believe that for myself, then I have to believe that for every child of His.

He loves my ex-husband just as much as he loves me regardless of how we behaved individually before, during or after our marriage. He doesn’t love one of us more than the other. He doesn’t only want to have a personal relationship with one of us.

He is faithful to me and He is faithful to him.

End of story.

Consequently, the love I feel has changed from that of a husband and wife, to that of a brother and sister in Christ.

I pray that God’s hand would touch and protect his life in the same awe-inspiring way that He has touched and protected mine—and even more if He so chooses.

The freedom and joy I experience in this very moment, is like nothing I have ever experienced in my entire life and I want this for everyone around me!

So, last night as my fur-baby and I turned in for bed, the Holy Spirit clearly gave me this blog post title. The devil then put his plan into action and subconsciously attacked by using dreams against me while I slept.

But praise the Lord I am covered in His blood and I have the power to overcome those attacks from the enemy in Jesus name.

I Love My Ex-Husband Quote- PinYou can too, friend! As His children, we have the power to love the ones who hurt us because we have experienced the true redemption of His faithful love in our own life.

So, who’s face or name did the Holy Spirit point out to you today?

Who do you need to love ?

And have you fully experienced that faithful love in your life?

You can today!

 

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How I Survived Divorce At 25

Some of you are probably only reading this to figure out what in the world I mean by this. Is this some kind of play on words? Could it really be true? And with a broken heart, the answer is a sad and unfortunate, yes.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been given this blog title and the words I am about to write by the Holy Spirit just the same as all the other posts I write. So, here I sit now 6 months after our separation began finally putting to paper what He has for all of us to read. It is with all sincerity that I say that I have prayed for this specific blog post for months.

You see. Shortly after my husband officially filed for divorce and the reality that it was truly happening set in, I was given this title. You may be wondering what the significance of the timing is.

The title contained several key words that I don’t want to just seem like a clever or catchy title.

First. It says survived. I knew right away that I was going to make it. I didn’t know how, it wasn’t pretty, and this was the lowest low I had ever experienced.

What Paul wrote in Philippians 4:11-14 pretty much sums up the past 6 months of my life.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

I went from fully supported to what I felt was fully deserted. But, friends, I am here to tell you that my fulfillment was just beginning. When I felt alone in every human sense, I was for the first time truly experiencing God’s friendship. When my bank account was in the red, I was reminded that His red blood shed for me on Calvary was enough to cover my debts and provide for me in ways I never imagined possible!

Guys. Not only did I survive, but I can honestly say I have been able to thrive! And don’t worry, I’ll tell you my not-so-secret secret in a second!

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But first, the next part in that sentence was key. Divorce. I had to come to terms with that early on. Here’s the thing. If you came here to read this for juicy details, you’re going to leave disappointed. As with any divorce, there are two parties involved. I will be the first to say that I was not always perfect, and neither was my husband. There is no need to point fingers or spread gossip across the internet. It’s my heart to still want to protect everyone involved.

In the two years we were married, there was a lot of heartache and heartbreak and I would be lying if I said that divorce had not been thought about and talked about. Was it what I wanted? Absolutely not. But is it what happened? Yes. I couldn’t change it. So, I had to accept it.

If you are in the same situation as me, accept it, dear friend. Know that you will survive.

The final piece of the title was also just as key to me. 25. My birthday is October 15th and he filed for divorce on March 23rd. When the Holy Spirit gave me this title, it included my age which would change in 7 months. This was a promise to me because it reiterated what He had already whispered to me gently. “Six months. Give Me six months.”, He said.

I will never forget the moment I heard those words. Friend. I did just that. I promised to give Him six months. Six months have now come and gone, and I am taking nothing back. He has the rest of my life. These six months have changed everything for me. I am not the same person I was, and I have found a new Best Friend in Jesus Christ. He was never not there, I just never made Him the priority I should have. Talk about conviction! Whoa!

So, you see. Early on I had hope of surviving the reality of divorce all while I was 25. It may not be that way for you. You may be going on year 3 of proceedings. I don’t know how long it will take, but you will survive if you truly unveil the person God has made you to be. Hold on to who HE says you are.

You are chosen, adopted, loved, redeemed, precious, unshakable, forgiven, accepted, worth it, a warrior, victorious. My sweet friend, it is with tears in my eyes that I beg you to ask your Father Who He says YOU are. Ask Him to reveal those precious truths to you and then write them down and live in the body of THAT person.

I am here to tell you that the ONLY way that I am standing victorious on the other side of this is because of my Faith and my Fathers. I am so blessed and truly the luckiest girl on the face of the planet to have an earthly father that walked by my side through every step of the process.

The physiological truth is that my physical body does not produce the stress hormone (just one of the crazy things that makes me, me! haha) But, if you have ever personally walked through or are walking through divorce or know someone who has walked through it, you could undoubtedly attest that it is a stressful and invasive situation.

If I didn’t have my father in the physical sense, I am not sure where I would be. So, dad, if you’re reading this, thank you. Thank you for being my human best friend! You are the most amazing human being I have ever met and thank you for supporting me and being my right arm in this process. I love you!

If you’re reading this and are blessed with what I have in a physical father or someone who has played that role in your life, please take a moment to thank them and let them know how much they are appreciated. It will mean the world to them I can guarantee it!

If you do not find yourself in that category, I urge you to listen to the next words I am about to write. My earthly father has failed me and fallen short of what I need. Has he been there more times than not? Yes. Is he over-all trust worthy and amazing? Yes. But he is not all I need. You either.

Just as our spouses were not everything we needed and ended up failing us and leaving us in despair and layers of hurt and loneliness, that’s just it- they were not all we needed.

You must recognize that your Heavenly Father sits beside you in your moments of desperation and hurt. He has never walked away or failed you. All I had to do to survive AND THRIVE is welcome Him into my daily life. Into those intricacies of my decisions, heartbreak, desperation and ultimate healing.

I have found joy and peace that is literally unexplainable and astounding. And oh, how my heart breaks for those who feel like you are still drowning and alone. Please let your Father who loves you reach down and rescue you.

Faith is believing in what you don’t see but know is true. I couldn’t see the end of my despair, but I knew it was coming. I couldn’t see how I was going to survive financially, but I knew He would provide. I didn’t see how I would be capable of handling the stress physically or emotionally, but I knew I wasn’t alone.

So, for the 180 days that was between our split and mediation, I held onto my faith in what I couldn’t see. And here I sit 7 days after our settlement, breathing, living and walking in that victory on a daily basis. I did experience the end of my despair, I did survive financially and physically, and I did thrive emotionally.

You can, and you will too, my friend. Victory is yours for the taking. Hold fast to your faith and your Father(s). Listen to what He’s urging you to do in this season.

He asked for 6 months and for me to desire my spiritual food more than my physical food. He also asked me to read and study the New Testament from Matthew to Revelation. When I did those things making Him a priority, I realized how weak I was alone, and how much I need Him. I discovered that I am nothing without Him. That doesn’t lessen my worth, that extenuates His power that is already within me.

Now I can’t imagine missing a morning spent with Jesus, and six months is not enough for me. I learned a significant amount about me and my Father in my New Testament reading and grew leaps and bounds in my friendship with Him.

In the weeks to come, I am planning on expounding on the truths that I learned and that were poured into me by friends and family that love and supported me on this journey.

In the meantime, I ask that you continually pray for me and my health. Walking through these big life circumstances has not always been easy, but it’s possible, but definitely not easy. So, in order for me to walk as the warrior that He has called me to be, I need an army surrounding me. Will you be a part of that army?

Please always feel welcome to reach out whether for prayer for your personal situation, or to let me know that you are praying for me. Either message will be accepted with open arms and with a heart of love, compassion and thankfulness.

Stay strong, my dear friend. I survived and so will you!

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